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Panic 2.0 Yet another in the series of experimental templates. Will this be the last, at least for a while? Do you like it? For some reason, the little boxies all the way over to the left got squished. Gah. HTML makes my head hurt. Especially at 3 in the morning.I posted this list in May, some resolutions for summer and the school year. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 1. Guys. I don't know, just..improve. Progress. Learn the precise art of subtle whoring. Find one, find a few, find a kiss Superstar-style. Anything more than what I've already got (that may turn out to be the theme of this list). 2. Kick ARSE at dance camp. Show Richard what he's missing, show Travis and Lonnie that they really do want to come here and teach more (Ohio University? Feh, says I.) I want rock hard abs and buns of steel, man. But not like Captain Planet. 3. I really, really want a guitar. And, you know, to learn how to play it. I might suck, but I can say I tried, because I really want to try. Really really. Which brings me to the next item... 4. MONEY, damnit! I need it. I need a guitar, more clothes, spending money, something more substantial than...*counting*...four dollars and 53 cents. I can get a job, or do stuff around the house, or beg on the street or something. 5. Work on stuff. My diary and an art class or two especially. Although, maybe not watercolor again. Wet watercolor paper smells like feet. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* I can check off number two. Dance camp is over; I survived. Number five is in progress; it was a vague resolution in the first place, but I am taking that watercolor class, working on my diary, working on sketching. But now I want to add an item or two more to that list: 6. I would like to expand the representation of the male half of the population in my group of friends. I discussed this with Sammie; we dream of a posse of guy friends worthy of a high school Fab 5. I was hopeless from the beginnning; a "fruit fly," if you will, since the day I was born. Grace Adler in the making. But really, I just want to make some new friends. Don't get me wrong, the ones I have are not to be surpassed. But I'd love to meet new people. 7. I should really, really read more. Great Expectations has me swamped for now, and the new Harry Potter is to be stolen from my mom the minute I'm done with that, but after those, I don't know. Suggestions, anyone? Good books? I used to read so much, but school and lack of effort shoved that to the bottom of the priority pile. Reading about Sagen's band camp experiences, I had a fleeting desire to be at school. When you're around people just about all day, every day for nine months straight, you don't think much of most of them. I should be expected to miss my friends. I don't see nearly enough of them as I would like during the summer. But what frightens me is when I catch myself missing people like Jeremy, non-dance-teacher Josh, Arwen, the teachers. I'm wishing I could be around people I don't even like, just for the sake of being around people. The sameness of every summer day is getting to my head. And just when I start really looking forward to getting back into the swing of things, the day-to-day craziness, the satisfaction of actually doing something with my time, the fact smacks me in the face: It's NOT going to be the normality of the trailers, knowing everyone in every class, cracking up in science, being late to class with Eva, cursing Ms Wallace under my breath, avoiding Jacob, whispering and passing notes and everything familiar and comfortable; not at all. This is high school, man. These are the years that everyone looks back on, whether it be with wistfulness or resentment or regret. I don't want to be that cliché, the person who thinks back to high school as absolute hell, the worst years of her life. This is where things start happening. This is where my life starts to matter. To echo Sagen's sentiments: It's freaking. Me. OUT. But I guess you couldn’t tell. 2003-07-28 @ 3:21 a.m. |